If a Buick Encore GX Avenir were to exist, who would plunk down their cash on one? Well, every brand has client profiles for their products. For instance, the Volkswagen Phaeton sourcebook states that Volkswagen’s imagined Phaeton client was younger and earned more money than a BMW 7-Series or Mercedes-Benz S-Class owner. Since the Encore GX Avenir isn’t a product that exists right now, GM obviously won’t release a client profile on such a vehicle. Lucky for you, we’ve invented a guy who’d buy one. Ladies, gentlemen, and the people who don’t give a fuck, allow me to introduce Sbeve. Sbeve is a resident of Omaha and a military veteran, having previously served in the War of 1812. He likes his coffee black and his salads with garlic-free salad dressing. He tucks his shirts into his trousers and his trousers into his socks and loves his fifteenth wife very much, just like how he loved his previous 14. While he doesn’t know what a JPEG is, he’s a big fan of ultrasonic sensors, being intimately familiar with their principles. Despite Sbeve’s age, he doesn’t look a day over 35. Credit goes to his avoidance of sunlight and lack of stressing about appearances due to not having mirrors in his home. He has his own signature Bloody Mary recipe but won’t tell anyone what’s in it. While Sbeve could very well afford a fully-loaded Enclave in cash, gas isn’t a nickel a gallon anymore, and his old Century is getting a bit tired. He’s driven a Buick ever since they made the second one and since they’ve done him no wrong, he might as well stick with what he knows. Besides, his dealer is always inviting him to try the new models and he’s never one to show up without invitation. Thanks to his keen hearing, Sbeve would find a Bose audio system a necessary upgrade over the rather wretched base-model stereo in lesser Encore GX models. Hell, I’d find the Bose audio system necessary, the base speakers have horrible distortion to the point where I thought I’d blow one or two. Plus, heated leather seats that may even feature a special color will appeal to Sbeve’s sharp sense of style. This man takes pride in looking good effortlessly, so the interior of his car should suit his image. Likewise, a special Avenir grille would be quite distinctive, just like Sbeve’s fondness for the occasional cape. In case you haven’t noticed yet, Sbeve is a vampire. A creature of the undead, much like the Buick brand itself right now. In both cases, a dose of fresh blood should prolong life a bit longer, whether that blood be literal or a possible well-equipped subcompact crossover. In any case, Happy Halloween weekend from your friends at The Autopian. Lead photo credit: Buick Before car prices went crazy I thought it was worth it to pay for better trim/package. Sometimes you find features you didn’t know you would like (remote start, etc) Esp. the idea back then that a different badge and standard leather etc. made enough of a difference for enough buyers to warrant a whole division. I’m exaggerating, but still… Meanwhile, we got everything that wasn’t a shitty CUV cancelled. The Encore, Encore GX, and Envision that remain are likely contractual obligations as part of SAIC-GM (they’re all made in China.) Allegedly the 2022 ‘refresh’ was supposed to be switching to the XT6/Blazer version from China, but it was cheaper to just stick lights on the existing version. Not surprising, since the Traverse outsells it 3:1 and the Acadia nearly 2:1. Even the Nissan Murano sells better. But with Buick China’s sales plummeting at unprecedented rates, it’s just a matter of time before GM kills the marque. The small one, the other small one, and the midsized one…and they all look basically the same with just slightly different grills. Sigh. Hopefully said crackhead dosen’t start a fire as a distraction like this psycho HD thief: https://nypost.com/2022/04/10/california-home-depot-fire-in-san-jose-visible-from-outer-space/ Although, the buyer profile of vampire makes sense, as we know regular humans (such as Jackie Daytona) prefer F-150’s. Buick: “Yeah well who cares about you? We have China!” Yeah, about that. On track for a 10-20% drop in sales year over year. I mean literally the only reason these things sold in the first place was they were cheap leases, then because they were the only thing you could get. Take both of those things away, and that leaves the octogenarian boome-wait, nope. They’re buying … uh, hang on a sec. … Buick’s trying to launch an ultra-luxe into this shitshow? The segment, by the way, is down over 20% YoY and the decline is accelerating. First half of 1H22 with all the supply problems resolved saw the entire segment down 28% compared to 1H21. Honestly, they’d be doing us a service by informing us as to who should be deported to Antarctica when the Great Car-Apathetics Purge comes. These vehicles are effing dumb. Guess as a car guy I’m just sad that it really does seem people would actually be plenty happy with a regular car…if it just had a hatchback. But nope, we can’t have those anymore, we get crossovers. Does anyone at Buick not get the irony? Buick has been, much like their clientele, knocking on death’s door since the 2000s… I wish GM would just put the brand out of its misery, or change the brand name for these awful vehicles, as they don’t really seem to fit the historical image of Buick, nor do they seem to be something that nearly anyone actually wants. Also, I didn’t think Buicks stayed out after dark. (source: played the hell out of a Mage campaign for half a decade)
